28 October 2010

ch-ch-ch-changes

i'm not sure if you're interested in reading this post or not, but all i know is that last december, i needed to read this.  so here's hoping it helps someone with a broken heart out there.

a year ago this weekend i began dating the guy who would hurt me more than anyone else ever has.  we met the first weekend of october 2009, introduced by a mutual friend {hi, k! i still love you!}.  he was everything i thought i wanted: older, southern, flirtatious, a resident at a prestigious hospital...good on paper guy.  he began aggressively pursuing me.  i resisted because, to be perfectly honest, i wasn't interested.  {note to self: that was a sign.} but he came to town again a few weekends later for k's halloween party.  and that weekend, i relented and we made plans to go on our first date the following weekend.

well that first date turned into two dates in the same weekend.  and those two dates turned into a two-month whirlwind clusterfuck.  the next weekend i was driving four hours to watch him run a half-marathon and spend the night with some friends of his from med school.  the next day was strolling hand-in-hand through streets talking about where we would want to go on a honeymoon {i wish i was making this up.} that was the weekend he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. 

he flew home to spend the week of thanksgiving with his family.  we talked every night that week for hours on end. he asked me to come home with him over new year's and meet his family.  i picked him up from the airport when he got home and we spent every minute of that weekend together.  the next weekend he told me he loved me and that he had thought about our future. the weekend after that he came to visit me for less than 24 hours in between shifts just so that he could attend a christmas party with me.

and the next weekend, everything changed.  we had big plans that weekend to exchange christmas gifts {which i agonized over picking out and spent a small fortune on} and go out for a fancy dinner.  he had gone on and on about how excited he was to give me my gift because he just knew i would love it.  i noticed he had been acting {sounding?} strangely on the phone that week, but i assumed it was because they were busy and short-staffed.  i arrived at his house that friday evening in the middle of a torrential snowstorm.  i got to his house before he did.  he came in, barely said hello, and told me he was going to take a shower and head out to play poker with some friends.  whoa. 

i asked him to come sit with me and tell me what was going on.  and he launched into a speech about how we were moving too fast {true enough, but he was the one speeding things along.  although i realize i wasn't doing anything to stop it.} and he was scared and not ready to be in a long-distance relationship {we lived about an hour apart} but that he was crazy head-over-heels for me.  he just didn't know how to make it work.  he said over and over that he didn't want to end things, but that he didn't know how we could continue.  he still wanted to exchange christmas gifts.  he was right...i loved my present.  i found out that he had made dinner reservations {the night before?!?} for that weekend at my favorite restaurant in town and had specially requested that the chef prepare my favorite menu item.

and then he left to go to his poker game.  i was a sobbing, shocked wreck.  i couldn't leave because there were 2 feet of snow on the ground.  so i was stuck there with him until monday.  the most agonizing 60 hours of my life.  snowed in a house with the guy who just unceremoniously dumped you.  because that's what he did.  i think deep down i knew that although he said he didn't want to end it, that he actually did.  i drove home that monday to spend christmas with my family, holding on to that last bit of hope that he would keep his word and call and think things over and find a way to make things work.  he didn't call until christmas eve.  we spoke briefly and he promised to call on christmas day.  which he did, but while i was having dinner with my family.  i called him back.  no answer.  i left a message. no response. for three days.

then i received an e-mail from him saying he had flown home for the new year's holiday {where i was obviously no longer welcome, despite the fact that i had purchased a plane ticket at his insistence} and was taking time to think about things and would call.  we spoke for a few minutes on new year's eve.  he said he still wasn't sure and that he would call when he got home.  and that is the last time i ever heard from him.  no closure. no explanation.  just silence.

i waited a week, determined that he would call.  until one day when i realized the phone wasn't going to ring.  i went to the post office and put his housekey in the mail to him.  and went to a bar with friend k to drink away my sorrows.

and that was the night i met my beau, the love of my life.  the man who loves me unconditionally.  even when i'm bratty and moody and whiny. who takes care of me when i'm sick and cleans up after my dog and cooks dinner for me and brags on me to his parents and friends.  who every single day i feel unbelievably blessed and grateful that he chose me.

having my heart broken is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.  you always hear that love finds you when you're not looking for it.  the only thing i was looking for when i walked in the bar that night was another tequila shot and a way to stop crying.  and love found me.

20 comments:

Miss Sweet Tea said...

jerk!

but so happy for you now...we may not understand it at the time, but things really do work out the way they're supposed to!

have a happy halloween :)

Deepali said...

I am so glad to read that your story has a happy ending. Stories like this hit close to home, I had something similar. No closure is the worst isn't it? Boyzz are stupid sometimes, plain and simple. Congrats on finding love though.

ms. mindless said...

love this. things always turn out the right way. remind me to tell you my similar story when we meet for coffee this weekend:)

MCW said...

I love it when love finally finds the right ones :)

BroncoMom said...

Wow, that is SOME story! It is amazing how love comes knocking on the door when you least expect it.

KatiePerk said...

Hooray for the good guys! I am glad you found more than a tequila shot!!

sjm said...

Holy cow! I'm sorry you had to go through that, but happy you found a GREAT guy!!!

Pink Champagne said...

SO glad that this story had a happy ending - what heartache! It goes to show that the ONE will come into your life when you least expect it...

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong said...

aren't men just terrible sometimes?? but it takes the terrrrrrible ones to help you to realize just how special the good ones (like beau!) are!!

Elizabeth said...

Oh my goodness! What a butt! Some men can be Mr. prince charming one minute and then total jerks the next. Lucky for you though, you didn't go to that New Years Eve party. Lucky for you, you went to that bar with your friend. Life has a funny way of always working out. Great story!

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CAC muffin said...

its it great how things always have a way of working themselves out! what a great story! thank you for sharing!!!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but look at the great guy you got out of the deal! I went through the worst part of my life right out of college, but somehow the decisions I made still led me straight to Mr. Perfect. And he's completely worth the bad crap.

So glad you're happy :)

Barefoot in the Park said...

nail on the head sister! so glad life is good .. you just never know!

Tiffany said...

I am a new reader of your blog!

This is a great post. It's amazing how something so good can come out of a situation so bad. I can't imagine what it was like to be stuck there with him - it must have been horrible!

the pink prep said...

so beautifully said!
and so true!!!!

i had had MY own heart broken for the last time when they boy i was dating up and moved....leaving me without an apartment or a car! (we shared both)
my dear friend came to the rescue, and similarly, when i decided i was my own strong person and no one would own me, we meet a friend of hers out for a drink.
we closed the bar (not realizing we were lost in conversation!!) and have been married over 9 years!

great post!!!

Jenny said...

New reader of your blog- That story is amazing. That's just all there is to it.

Sometimes, like everyone, we wonder why this didn't work out, what went wrong, why? But then things like THAT happen- and we understand then. Love it. Thanks for sharing.

Kristin said...

Thank goodness there was a happy ending...I was super sad for you! I met the hubs in the midst of a decade long BAD relationship. I dumped the ex and married the hubs less than two years later. It's so true, that when you meet the right person you KNOW!

Aspiring Kennedy said...

whhhat? ok, this is a cray-cray story. but i love it.

and the only thing now is... pictures of you & mr. love! :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Oh man, I'm going through some serious, SERIOUS, heart wrenching sadness right now I can't even tell you- it's like my heart was ripped straight out of my chest...the man I thought was "the one" and honestly, I'm not sure that I'll be able to be open to something/someone for a long, long time.

Connie @ SogniESorrisi said...

What a crazy story--it's crazy that he ran so hot and cold. I guess it kind of reaffirms for me that there really is no love at first sight (I think) and that a relationship has to be built slowly, brick by brick.

My mom always told me you would find love when you weren't looking and often the guy wouldn't be your type and--in my experience at least--she was totally right.

I'm sorry you went through what you did but I bet it helps you to appreciate your current beau a ton more. As soon as I decided I was done with asshole bad boys I met my husband and while he's far from a pushover for the first time I knew what it was to be in a relationship with someone who had no problem being totally in it with me. A revelation to say the least!

Glad you found a good guy and a happy new beginning!