won't you be my neighbor?

my apartment complex is made up mainly of yuppies like moi and law students. however, we have a smattering of townies thrown in for good measure. the apartment next door to me is a creepy townie magnet.

when i moved in in january 2008, my neighbors were two gals in their mid-late twenties. i saw them once or twice on move-in day and they were nice enough, but never saw them much again. the walls in our complex are quite thin, so i got used to hearing their idle chatter that i couldn't really decipher. but about 2 months in, i hear this gem:

"jen, can you bring me the nyquil? i'm on the effing toilet!" this was yelled at the top of the girl's lungs. and she said the real word. suffice it to say, i could not look them in the eyes ever again and was thrilled when they moved out in may. an empty apartment next door was bliss.

until august, when my current neighbors moved in. i'm not sure how many people actually live there, as there is always quite the cast of characters coming and going, but my best guess is that there are two guys, maybe 19 or 20 years old. SUPER emo and totally creepy. they have techno dance parties at ALL hours. and i do mean all. a few weeks ago, it was at 5am on a saturday.

my current theory is that they're professional videogamers. they're always at home. they never leave to go to work. and when i take the puppy boy for early-morning runs, i can see them in their living room playing video games. at 5:30am. not normal. they also put large skull lights around their front porch for the entire month of october. did i mention we share a front porch? yeah, i got some weird looks.

our apartments don't have central air, so i keep my windows open during the summer months. last night when i got home from margaritas with the girls, i notice the two stooges and their merry band of misfits hanging out on the back porch. i get ready for bed and am getting ready to hit the lights when i overhear this:

"i just finished playing a video game and it really got me in the mood." ummmmmm....WHAT? he then proceeds to talk about putting on a condom and something involving couch cushions. i.was.mortified.

and of course, i rush to text r about this {he finds the whole situation hilarious}. his response?

"if you find out what game it is, i'll get it for wii."

typical boy.