thoughts on the single life

this morning i came to a frightening and reassuring realization: i am really happy being single. this is the first time in life that i have been able to say this with absolute honesty.

oddly enough, what spurred me on to this realization is the fact that i've been hanging out with a new guy. nothing big...a few dates. he's nice and fun. but i'm not sure there's anything there. and for the first time EVER, that doesn't upset me at all. perhaps a sign that he's not "the one", but also perhaps a sign that i'm growing up?

example #1: after going out friday and saturday nights, the boy wanted to hang out again on sunday night. i said "no", simply because i didn't want to. i know that sounds trite, but that's huge for me. in the past, i would've wanted to, regardless of whether or not i was interested in the guy, because it was nice to know that someone was interested. or i would've said no, but only because of the rules of playing hard-to-get. this time, i was just tired. and wanted to go home and snuggle with my puppy and sleep alone in my bed without listening to anyone snore or steal the covers.

example #2: in the past, realizing that maybe there's not anything there would REALLY upset me. i would dive into my self-pity mode of ohmigod if it's not him, then who? i will never find anyone! a touch melodramatic, no? but now....just calm. just a realization that i need to get to know him a little better, but if it's not there, it's not there. and that's ok. and someone else will come along. nothing worth worrying about.

example #3: i really, really, really like my life the way it is. that right now i don't have to do anything for anyone other than me {and the puppy boy, of course}. i'm a creature of habit and i'm also a nester. i look forward to my weekly monday night girls nights of the bachelor and junk food. i love going home after work and not having anything to do other than cook dinner, work out, and shower. that if i want to spend 2 hours recataloging every single magazine page i've ever saved, i can. or if i want to spend all day sunday in bed watching disney movies, i can. if i want to let the dishes pile up in the sink for days or be psycho about wiping down every surface in the house twice a day, i can. introducing a guy into the picture throws all of this off balance.

don't get me wrong...i still want to meet my dream guy and get married and have babies and a house and all of that good stuff. but i think i have finally arrived at the point where i know that will come. and it's ok if it's not today. it might be tomorrow, it might be five years from now. but i can handle the being alone in between. because i'm not alone. i have a seriously amazing group of friends, a wonderful family, a snuggly coonhound, and my own life. so now that i've had this revelation, i'm going to start enjoying this time to be blissfully selfish. because this time is temporary.

sorry for the long, rambling post. just something i needed to get off my chest on this blustery thursday morning.