dear hair gods,

it is apparent that you hate me. first off, you cursed me with naturally curly hair. not pretty sjp, emmy rossum, nicole kidman curls. white trash, limp, frizzy curls. nice. it seemed like you felt bad about that since you blessed me with a beautiful platinum blonde color, but alas, that started to turn more of a mousy straw blonde halfway through college. so yeah...thanks for the hundreds of dollars i spend every other month to return to my childhood color.

but lately, you've taken it WAY too far. it took me YEARS to perfect my hair routine...searching for the right shamp and conditioner, the perfect product, and investing in insanely expensive hairdryers and straighteners...but i finally had it down pat. so i thought. first off, you took thermasilk off the shelves. i had been obsessed ever since an allure editor said that after testing dozens of expensive shamps and conditioner, this was the best. it smelled so nummy and made my hair so pretty and soft, especially given the obscene amount of abuse i give it with my previously mentioned expensive heat-using equipment.

i'm STILL looking for a new shamp and conditioner to love, but nothing has come close.

and now....oh, you went too far. you have taken my john frieda frizz ease straight ahead straightening spray off the market. you replaced it with a 'smoothing creme'. wtf? i don't want that!! i want my spray back!! i drove to THREE different places this afternoon looking for that precious silver bottle and it was nowhere to be found. i am now TERRIFIED that tomorrow morning when i do my hair, it will be confused and puff up as a result.

so, hair gods, it is on like donkey kong. you will not beat me. i WILL find the perfect shamp, conditioner, and now straightening product. you may have won the battle, but i will win the war.